i’m going to be honest, i’m probably not the nicest at times but i never mean to hurt feelings unless provoked and i’m not mean without reason
This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.
She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.
She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.
In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker’s cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn’t she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.
*punches you in the face*
PERFUME YOUR NECK AND SLIP YOUR HIGH HEELS ON
♫ JUST TO BE CLEAR I DID NOT WRITE THAT SONG AND HAVE NEVER HAD SEX WITH A CHILD JUST TO BE CLEAR MOST MEN FIND ME TO BE AN 8 OR 9 OUT OF 10 AND I AM AVAILABLE TO ANY INTERESTED MEN WHO’D LIKE TO GET MY NUMBER AFTER THE SHOW ♫
You know what needs more lesbians?
Absolutely everything. I can not think of a single thing that would not benefit from the addition of lesbians.
but if you close your eyes
does it almost feel like
nothing changed at all